Want to figure out your Purpose? Start by embracing your unique Genius
One of the most common questions people come to me with in leadership coaching is: “How do I figure out my Purpose?”
I’ve discovered that Purpose isn’t a single thing, but a process that has at least 3 phases:
Learning to live from our genius;
Transforming our weaknesses into strengths; and
Partnering with others to unlock our highest potential.
Phase 1: Embracing our Genius (vs Excellence)
The people who work with me usually excel at what they do, but are burnt out.
A common culprit? They’re operating from their Zone of Excellence, not their Genius. That is, they’re doing what they’re better at than others, but doesn’t give them energy. By contrast, our Genius is what we’re both better at than others, AND brings us alive.
The most common reason I’ve noticed that people resist owning their Genius is that their Zone of Excellence just feels so darn safe. (It can be a classic form of living from ‘Should’ vs ‘Want’.) And it can require boldness to delegate or dump the things we do well, but that ultimately drain us.
For example, as a product manager in tech, I was excellent at the job; and everyone I knew assured me that it was the best path to being a CEO in Silicon Valley. The problem? I felt dead doing the job. Having to be so detail-oriented the majority of the day made me miserable.
I probably would have continued on this path for many more years had it not been for my dad’s very unexpected and early death. When he passed, I was 32, and already middle age by his lifespan. As crisis so often does, it forced me to ask the uncomfortable questions I’d been putting off — like “If I were to die as suddenly as my dad, would I be proud of the life I’d created?”
The honest answer was, No.
While my life looked “perfect on paper”, it felt hollow. I wasn’t living a life that felt resonant with my most essential self. And it was painful to acknowledge this.
Now many people have asked me, “What gave you the kick in the pants to do this differently? I feel this way too, but it’s too hard to change.”
And what snapped me into action was to consider not just “What’s at risk if I do?”, but “What’s at risk if I don’t start owning my Genius?” … 6 months, 1 year, and 10 years down the line.
My answer: my aliveness.
Owning my Genius has most definitely not been an overnight change. It’s been a process, an identity shift.
For years, I had gotten feedback from people telling me how coffee chats with me had helped them find the clarity and courage to take completely different paths. And that I’d changed the trajectories of their life. Plus, I left these conversations feeling deeply energized.
But, like I’ve seen many clients do, I wrote these experiences off. As an MBA, I’d been taught this kind of 1:1 interaction wasn’t scalable, and therefore not valuable. And, having been taught to value “hard” skills over “soft” skills, I was reluctant to own what came so naturally to me. Besides, I had thought startup life would feed the part of me that was awed by the transformative power of technology.
Yet, after my dad died, I viscerally understood for the first time just how profoundly mortal I was too; and that I might pass just as suddenly as he had. So, as it does for so many, crisis became my truth elixir. And with the support of coaches and mentors, I finally got honest about what brought me alive: catalyzing transformation through people, not technologies.
The process of embodying, not just embracing, this calling hasn’t been easy. It has asked me to push back against all the ways I’d been shaped by the cultures I was a part of, and to question what I thought was “the way” to a good life.
But, I’ve come to see — just as the Greeks and Romans did — that everyone has Genius. Yes, everyone. Genius isn’t reserved for the Einsteins of the world. Everyone has unique talents and styles that only they can bring. Genius is usually just waiting to be acknowledged.
In fact, pushing back against the forces that mono-crop us — that try to convince us that there’s just “a way” (or a limited number of ways) to the good life — may just be the most powerful contribution we can make to a world that desperately needs new perspectives on the seemingly intractable challenges of our time.
So, what’s your Zone of Genius? Are you ready to embrace it?
I’d love to hear your reactions in the comments!
PS, I’ll talk about the other steps in uncovering our unique purpose in subsequent posts. So stay tuned!
Melissa’s Reading & Watch List
Unleashing Your Voice — The Gratitude Blooming Podcast (45 min)
In this podcast interview, I share more of the back story in how I came to own a part of my gift — my voice.
ICYMI: Why I’m saying no to dead Roman Dictators running my life (5 min)
I wrote this piece at the beginning of this year about the renewable power of operating from “want” (vs the fossil fuel of “should”).
Michael Meade — How your Unique Genius can heal nature & culture (YouTube, 34 min)
Michael Meade is a mythologist in the tradition of Joseph Campbell, and in this performance, he shares a story about finding the exact knowledge you need to survive this world that seems to be falling apart: your Genius.