Feeling uncertain? The way to breakthrough is simple & time tested
Take one step at a time. (Plus, a new meditation)
Hi friends, I’m starting a new paid subscriber benefit — a meditation linked to the theme of each post. This week’s is designed to help us find ground within ourselves in the face of uncertainty / overwhelm through compassion, and remembering that multiple realities can be true at the same time. Much love, M.
It feels like life is shaped more by question marks than periods right now. It’s all over the news, but ways it’s come up 1:1 with the leaders I coach:
“The last few years changed me so much. How do I figure out what’s next?”
“The world is so unpredictable. How do I make decisions with so many unknowns?”; or
“I lost my job. What do I do now?”
The space between the old and the unwritten new can kick up a lot — unmetabolized emotions, worry, and the overwhelming question of “next steps”.
But, I’ve found there’s 4 foundational skills for finding our footing in the unknown:
I. Learning to walk in the dark (aka: experiment)
I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced near complete darkness. But the few times I have, it’s usually been in the woods while camping, the clouds obscure the stars, and I’ve forgotten my headlamp.
It’s unnerving because normal ways of making our way in the world don’t work. It’s unrealistic to set our sights on a place on the far horizon when we barely feel confident about whether there’s a rock underneath our next step.
We can’t think our way out. All we can do is take one step at a time, and feel our way to our next step. (Said differently: the only way we can build a new future is to experiement our way into it.)
II. Identifying where we are in “the dark”
I used to truly hate uncertainty. Because it felt so uncomfortable and spun up a stress response, my nervous system’s unconscious habit was to try to side-step it by pushing for certainty before I had enough information to make an informed decision.
The feedback I got early in my career was that when facilitating meetings, I’d often try to drive my team to closure before we had sufficiently explored the options. I was short circuiting the learning process that I and my team needed to go through. And the result was that I wasn’t building my muscle to be with uncertainty.
So, the question I now ask myself and clients is: Where are we? In the lifecycle of this discussion or project, is it time to Open, Narrow, or Close?
When it comes to navigating a new career, people tend to prematurely lock into “close” by launching into something new. The challenge? They usually end up with regrets. If you can, save yourself heartache by doing structured “experiments”.
III. Progress isn’t always what we think it is
Many clients often start to feel anxious when they’re not seeing “progress” from their experiments.
But, the idea of progress being linear is a part of the old paradigm that seems to be falling all around us. Honestly, the idea of linear progress is what has gotten us into the pickle we’re in now!
In truth, the periods of my life that have been richest in growth have always been the result of curveballs. For example, early in my career in tech, I unexpectedly got fired from a startup. I thought to myself, “This is not who I am. I’m not the kind of person who gets fired!”
But with the benefit of time, the experience actually taught me that my identity and worth were not tied to my job. And it opened up a much deeper internal process of growing into who I really am, instead of who I thought I should be.
IV. Find out what we’re really here for, and devote ourselves to it
This is the hardest to figure out (and is honestly an iterative process that can take years); but once we know it, our personal North Star makes many decisions clearer — though not always easier.
This is a post unto itself, and one that I’ll write about in the future!
Meanwhile, whenever we’re in the dark, it helps to remember that dawn will inevitably return.
Melissa’s Reading & Watch List
Inspiration: Treat your next career change like a verb (Quartz, 5 min)
Rather than make a leap, it’s often easier to think about strategically “pivoting” toward what we want through a series of small, low-risk “experiments”. Exploring the unknown isn’t something we can think our way through; it requires new action.
Hope: Andor (on Disney+) — “We want you to be real”
Ok, I don’t think of myself as a Star Wars person, and I know I’m late to this party — but this was the best Star Wars series I’ve ever seen! …Primarily because it’s about how to make choices when it feels like impossible odds are stacked against us or when things feel dark. The characters, world-building, and storylines are thrilling! … In part because show runner Tony Gilroy wasn’t a Star Wars fan; and as a result, he was free from the old formula to come up with far more creative stories!
And, the intriguing advice he gave his creative team so that they wouldn’t get stuck in the formulaic way previous Star Wars films had been made? “Do your thing. You’re here because we want you to be real.”
Laugh: The pure joy of this break dancing gorilla…
…because sometimes when we’re spinning in circles, why not make it a thrill?
ICYMI: Want to figure out your unique Purpose? (5 min)
In this popular post from last fall, I lay out what I’ve learned about embracing our unique Genius. tl;dr: Double down on the things that bring us alive AND that we do better than others.